Your baby's behavior: Temperament and crying

States

Your baby is more than just asleep or awake. Your baby has six states or levels of being awake or asleep. You can recognize these states by your baby's behavior.


Quiet alert	Drowsy	Quiet sleep	Fussy

Tip

You may be surprised by how noisy your baby can be. Your baby will:

sneeze, which helps clear his nose
hiccup, which often happens after eating or too much stimulation
breathe noisily, which is not a concern unless his skin turns blue
gag, burp and pass gas.

They are:

Quiet sleep. During this kind of sleep your baby is still and breathes slowly and deeply. It is hard to wake your baby from this level of sleep. If you need to wake your baby for a feeding, wait until he moves to lighter sleep. Your baby is in this level of deep sleep for only about 30 minutes at a time.
Active sleep. When your baby is at this level of sleep, he may have bursts of sucking, make faces or little sounds, and breathe less evenly than in quiet sleep.You may also see your baby's eyes moving under his eyelids. This activity can make you think your baby is awake. If you don't need to wake your baby, let him stay in active sleep. He may drift back into quiet sleep after about 30 minutes.
Drowsiness. This is the state between being asleep and awake. Your baby will open and close his eyes, yawn, and stretch. His eyes will look dull and not well focused.
Quiet alert. This is the state in which your baby is ready to interact with you and the world. This is the time to play with your baby. You can tell the quiet alert state by your baby's quiet body and bright, focused eyes. Your baby will focus all his attention on you, especially your face. He may imitate your expressions and even reach out to touch your face. Newborns can stay focused
Active alert. In this state your baby becomes more physically active and less focused than in the quiet alert state. He may also start to fuss. This is a sign that your baby needs a change. It can mean that he is getting tired or that he is getting hungry. In only a few weeks you will figure out when your baby starts to fuss what will help calm him. You will learn this by trying different things and finding what works best.
Crying. This is the state your baby uses to let you know he needs something. This state can follow the active alert or active sleep states. Picking up your baby may be enough to stop his crying. Many times babies cry because they are hungry. However, crying is a late sign of hunger.

Temperament

Tip

Attachment is the process of falling in love with your baby. It is the beginning of a relationship that lasts a lifetime.

Some parents fall in love at first sight. For many others, it takes time.

Most parents say that taking care of their baby helps them feel closer to their baby. Feeding, changing, bathing, and soothing their baby helps them fall in love.

Temperament describes how a person responds to the world. You will see some aspects of your baby's temperament right from birth. Others will unfold as your baby grows. Some babies have a sunny temperament and move smoothly between states. Other babies are more easily overwhelmed and find it hard to settle.

As you learn how your baby responds to situations, you will adjust how you provide care. You will soon discover how your baby likes to be carried and whatkind of rocking is soothing.

If you already have a child, you may be amazed by how different your new baby's temperament is. This baby may feed more eagerly or need more holding before falling asleep. You will spend time in the first weeks after birth learning how to best take care of this baby.

It is common for babies to sleep a lot the first two or three days after they are born. They take this time to recover from the stresses of birth. This sleepiness can hide some aspects of temperament. Talk with your baby's health care provider about any questions or concerns you have about responding to your baby.

Caring for your crying baby

Tip

You can't spoil your baby by meeting her needs. You are helping her feel secure and loved.

In fact, babies who are carried and attended to quickly cry less than babies who only get attention when they cry.

Crying is your baby's way of telling you she needs some help. She is trying to tell you she is hungry, tired, cold, hot, uncomfortable, bored, or lonesome. You may feel you are not being a good parent because you can't figure out what your baby wants right away. However, you are being a good parent by trying different things. As your baby gets older you will be better able to figure out what she needs. She will also begin to cry less as she learns you will respond to her cries.

At times you may feel overwhelmed by your baby's crying. That can make you want to cry. It can also be frustrating that what works one time to settle your baby may not work the next. Try the things that have worked before, one at a time. Then try some of the ideas from the list below.

When your baby cries, try:

Try the 'colic curl' for a fussy baby: Cradle your baby facing your with legs bent up against your chest. Or reverse the position and let your baby look out around the room.

feeding
burping
changing her diaper
adding clothes for warmth or taking them off if your baby is too warm.

If your baby still cries, try:

calming techniques:

changing positions
swaddling (securely wrapping your baby in a receiving blanket)
offering the breast for "comfort" sucking
offering a pacifier
cuddling

adding sound:

talking
singing
playing a music box, radio, or CD
turning on a constant, droning sound like a fan, vacuum cleaner or hair dryer

adding movement:

rocking in your arms or across your lap
rocking with you in a chair or in an infant swing (Newborns often prefer moving side-to-side in a rocking cradle rather than forward and back in a chair swing.)
dancing to music

adding a change of scenery:
walking around the room
taking a walk in a stroller
taking a drive in the car
taking your baby out of a room filled with people and into a quiet, private place to offer comfort.

Tip

Massage can help calm and relax babies. Consider taking an infant massage class.

Sometimes babies have pent-up energy and cry to get rid of it. If nothing seems to be working, try placing your baby on her back in the crib. See if she can settle herself. Check on your baby every five to 10 minutes. If she hasn't settled in 25 minutes, offer a feeding and start the settling process over again. Consider asking a family member or friend to hold your baby and try to settle her.

While your baby tries to settle, you can:

Try to relax yourself. Breathe deeply or do your relaxation breathing.
Listen to music that is relaxing to you. It might help your baby, too.
Remember that you are learning about each other. What you are learning now may help you next time.

Warning

Don't ever shake your baby to try to quiet crying. Shaking a baby — even slightly — can cause brain damage, seizures, mental retardation, blindness and death.

If you find yourself getting angry or feeling overwhelmed:

Put your baby safely in her crib. Go to another room for five to 10 minutes.
Ask for help from your partner, a relative, or friend.
Or, call a crisis nursery located near you, or call the Crisis Connection.