Pregnancy loss and griefGrief is a sorrow caused by an unfortunate outcome or loss. The process of mourning (showing your grief) is not something that lasts a few weeks and then ends. Grief has no expiration date. Grief seeps into your life, at times when you don't expect it. Sometimes grief has physical symptoms. You may have a loss of appetite, feel tired, have trouble sleeping, or find it hard to concentrate. Give yourself time to heal.
If you should lose your baby, don't be afraid to show your emotions. Showing sadness, anger, frustration or hopelessness is not a sign of weakness. It is a healthy response that takes courage. Take comfort and strength in your support system and/or trust your faith to sustain you during this difficult time. Don't forget to take care of yourself, and remember: one day the laughter will return.
Some important points to remember:
Give yourself time to grieveYou may find, as many women have, that emotional recovery from losing a baby takes much more time than physical recovery does. Though you did not hold your baby in your arms, you held your baby in your heart. This is a loss, and you should give yourself time to grieve.
If your pregnancy was unplanned, you may not have been sure you wanted a baby at the time. Those feelings can add to your feelings of guilt and grief.
It is perfectly normal and natural for you to have a range of feelings. Some women grieve an early pregnancy loss intensely, while others may feel more philosophical. Try to be gentle with yourself. Try to allow yourself to accept your feelings, whatever they are each day. Other women who experience a loss similar to yours may deal with grief in a different way. That's OK. You should do what's right for you.
Ask your health care provider questionsYou may find it helpful to understand what happened in as much detail as possible. Ask your health care provider to give you extra time during an office visit to ask all your questions and go over events in detail. You may feel upset, but you don't have to postpone your questions. You may find comfort in knowing the answers.
If you have trouble asking questions without getting upset, have your partner ask the questions or write them down and hand them to your health care provider. You may even wish to call your health care provider's office ahead of time and tell the appointment secretary that you have many questions for your health care provider. If sitting in a waiting room with pregnant women would be painful, ask for the first or last appointment of the day and ask if you can go to an exam room right away.
Ask about getting pregnant againTalk with your health care provider about how much time your body will need to heal before you try to get pregnant again. If you and your partner think you would benefit from support or counseling, see grief resources or ask your health care provider to recommend some resources. Talking with other parents who have had similar experiences can be a wonderful source of support.
Pregnacy loss: Support groups Infant/child loss services Pregnancy loss Allina Grief Resources
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