Sexuality after birth

Family and couple therapists often say that the best gift you can give your child is a happy couple heading the family. Making time for the two of you is very important to your marriage and to your new family.

However, the weeks after a new baby's birth aren't necessarily the most likely time for romantic trysts. Right now, you are both tired and stressed. Things will not always be like this.

With each day that passes (and each night of sleep that you get), you are both learning how to respond to this baby and how to create your new life as a family. Look for opportunities, and know that "dating" will get easier as the weeks pass.

What you can do to help

• Be patient and understanding if your partner's episiotomy hurts or she is achy and sore.
• Keep your sense of humor.
• Reassure your partner that you understand that this isn't exactly a honeymoon, and that you still love her.
• Share baby care right from the start so that your confidence will grow.
• Encourage your partner to nap when your baby naps. (You nap, too.)
• Give her a break at least once a day. (Dad takes the baby, and Mom gets to relax.)
• Know that she probably feels as unattractive right now as she'll ever feel, so pull out all the stops: light candles, buy flowers, tell her how much you love her, and let her know that she is attractive to you.
• When you're ready to leave your baby, even briefly, get a sitter and get away for a walk, a drive, or a date.

Tips for when you are ready to resume a sexual relationship

• Take your baby to a relative's or a friend's house so you aren't distracted.
• Take things very slowly.
• Use a lubricant.
• Stop if it hurts. The woman-on-top position may be the most comfortable for a while.
• Be sure to use adequate contraception.
• Laugh and enjoy each other.

Related Links

Just for Dad and those close to you

Sexuality during pregnancy

First published: 10/04/2002
Last updated: 06/19/2003

Reviewed by: Allina Patient Education experts