For dads and partners: Reading your partner's mind

Try not to wonder silently what your partner needs. It's OK to ask, and it's OK to take her suggestions to heart.

Try not to worry privately about whether your performance as a father is going to be perfect. Share what you are thinking and feeling with your partner -- she's probably thinking and feeling the same things about being a mother.

Talking things over will help your partner know that you feel involved with the pregnancy and are looking forward to the birth of your baby -- even if you don't feel like you have all the answers right now.

Try asking these questions:

• Which one of us has more experience with babies?
• How do we want to learn what we don't already know?
• How can we simplify our life during the first weeks after our baby is born?
• How much time do you want to take off from work?
• How much time would you like me to take off?
• What if I'm not very good at this diapering/burping/ putting our-baby-to-sleep stuff?
• Can you think of some things I could do now, during the pregnancy, that could really help you?
• Whom do we want present at the birth?
• Can you help me think of some things I can take on after our baby is born that would be especially important and helpful?
• Whom do we want to help us after our baby is born?

First published: 10/04/2002
Last updated: 06/19/2003

Reviewed by: Allina Patient Education experts