For dads and partners: How you can help after your baby is born

Help your partner

Your partner needs good nutrition and a steady intake of fluids all day long, especially if she is breastfeeding or recovering from surgery.

Helping her will allow her to recover more quickly and get her energy back sooner.

• Bring her a glass of juice or water from time to time, especially when she's breastfeeding.
• Help prepare meals (cheese and crackers provide quick protein), or bring home healthy take-out food (salads, soups and pasta) are generally better choices than fried burgers and pizza.
• Clean up or get help to clean the house so she can nap when the baby sleeps.

Accept help

Your partner may be shy about accepting offers of food, cleaning, and help from family or friends -- but you don't have to be. Say yes and support your partner.

Run errands

At least during the first week or two, your partner will need to sleep when she isn't feeding your baby or eating. Help her out.

For example, there's probably a grocery store or pharmacy shopping list on the refreigerator. Grab it and go.

Spend time with your baby

After your baby's been fed, send your partner to bed for a nap and hang out with your new baby. Time with you is very special, and you can start morning or bedtime rituals now that will continue into childhood.

Help calm the baby

You cannot spoil a baby. In fact, babies who know their parents will take care of them when they cry usually cry less and calm down quicker. You cannot hold and comfort a baby too much. Your baby is learning that he can trust you and you will be there when he needs you.

See When your baby cries.

Help the siblings adjust

If this is not your first child, the older children in your household could probably use some special attention from you. Set aside regular time for "just the big kids," and do something fun together. Also, take your baby now and then so that your partner can show the older children that your baby doesn't get all her attention.

You can play a key role in helping siblings adjust to your new baby. By helping with your baby yourself, you show that your partner isn't deserting the family for the baby, but that the baby is a new family member. By sympathizing with the jealous feelings new siblings often have, you can help them feel accepted and loved and help them welcome your baby more warmly.

When your baby is sleeping (and certainly unaware of whatever you say), try saying, "No, baby. This isn't my time with you. This is my time with your sister." Your new baby's sister has to hear this sort of message all day, and she may resent your baby less if he has to wait for her now and then, too.

Be understanding when your baby gets most of your partner's attention

Your partner is tired, recovering, learning to care for your baby, and probably feeling at least a little overwhelmed. It may seem that she doesn't have much time for you right now.

• On the one hand, things will improve. Both of you will find your own rhythm of parenting and will soon feel more in control.
• On the other hand, it is true that things between the two of you will never be quite the same.

You're a family now, and you have a child's needs to consider and meet. Let your partner know that you still want to feel close, but give her time to get accustomed to being a new mother. And give yourself time, too.

First published: 10/04/2002
Last updated: 06/19/2003

Reviewed by: Allina Patient Education Press experts